Day 3 - January 28, 2009

I got it in the mail today. A big white box from the US Post Service. Heavy as it is, I carried it two blocks from the Post Office to my office.

My hands were not cold, they were freezing. I know I’d be getting this box but I didn’t know what is inside. All he said was ‘Some army stuff’ when I asked him about it last week.

The “Some Army stuff” happens to be a seemingly endless pile of things you would never really want to have. A framed photo of him when he got promoted. Another whole bunch of pictures of him with his guys in their uniforms. He was still in the Marines then. All the old letters I sent him when we were still kids. There was a book in there too so I figured that must be his favorite one. Papers from the army, including a family packet guide on Deployment-related stress and ‘survival’ guides for families left behind. A bonnet (he must have figured out I may have bad hair days), the insurance papers for my engagement ring (now I know I have one from Zales), his car GPS (he already sold the car last week), a Jazon Mraz CD (we feel that Jason Mraz thought of us when he composed Lucky), Jeff Dunham videos and a whole lot more.

I could not finish looking at all that was inside. I pushed the box aside. After a minute I would try to open it up again and then I push it back again. I had to put a tape on its open end then rip it again few minutes after.

It was very difficult.

It was bittersweet.

His life was inside that big white box. Who he was, who he is and who he wants to be.

And he sent that all to me.

To keep it. To hold on to it. To never let it go.

Now I am here in my office and im trying really hard not to cry.

He called up at 3:34pm, just by the time my boss walked out of my office. Perfect timing. Once again, I had to put up a ‘happy hello’..whatever that means. As we promised to be always honest with each other, I told him that I appreciate him for sending me the box but it was difficult for me to see what’s inside. He understands, he always does. I’m gonna have to take the time on this one. No rush.

His voice is much lighter now..warmer than last night that made me cry myself to sleep. He has been a Marine all his life and this is going to be his first deployment as an Army. He said things are ok and his guys are fine. Told me not to watch the news so that I won’t worry as much.

‘Sorry for what I’m putting you through.” I remember him saying that. Once again I smiled and tried to be brave. I said to him, ‘I chose you and I chose this for myself. We are in this together. I’m going to be ok as long as you promise me that you will be safe.”

He promised. He always does.

The kid in him was definitely gone.